Donald Trump’s Bizarre Mystery Speech Was Basically Just A Victory Lap For Doing His Job

Just before Donald Trump returned from his tour of Asia he teased us all with the promise of something big…

I will be making a major statement from the @WhiteHouse upon my return to D.C. Time and date to be set.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 14, 2017

There were no other clues – could it be a major policy announcement? A firing? A hiring?

Nope, it was none of those things, instead he spent 20 minutes in what amounted to a “victory lap” for what is essentially a fundamental part of just being President of the United States.

Trump appeared to struggle during the speech, breathing heavily and repeatedly stopping to take sips of water from a bottle he couldn’t find initially – something he once mocked Marc Rubio for doing.

WATCH: “They don’t have water, that’s OK.” pic.twitter.com/ylfbpUUIhe

— CBS Evening News (@CBSEveningNews) November 15, 2017

There really is a Trump tweet for every occasion…

Next time Marco Rubio should drink his water from a glass as opposed to a bottle—would have much less negative impact.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 13, 2013

And here’s when he mocked Rubio at a rally.

pic.twitter.com/L0HoZeY9qK

— Jesse Lehrich (@JesseLehrich) November 15, 2017

Rubio, evidently, was watching closely.

Similar,but needs work on his form.Has to be done in one single motion & eyes should never leave the camera. But not bad for his 1st time https://t.co/s49JtyRo3S

— Marco Rubio (@marcorubio) November 15, 2017

Trump began with a summary of the part of his job that requires that he travel abroad for important meetings.

He said: “Last night I returned from a historic 12-day trip to Asia. This journey took us to five nations to meet with dozens of foreign leaders, participate in three formal state visits and attend three key regional summits.

“It was the longest visit to the region by an American president in more than a quarter of a century.”

This is true but at this point in his presidency Obama had visited 20 countries and Trump is only on 14 – he has played far more golf though.

Trump is currently providing a readout of his trip to Asia, and his whole presidency, basically.

— Philip Crowther (@PhilipinDC) November 15, 2017

Rather worryingly, he continued: “Everywhere we went our foreign hosts greeted the American delegation, myself included, with incredible warmth, hospitality and most importantly, respect.

“And this great respect showed very well our country, is further evidence America’s renewed confidence and standing in the world has never been stronger than it is right now.”

Since the dawn of diplomacy, “respect” has been the default setting for hosting foreign dignitaries and some suggested Trump’s apparent wonder at such things is evidence of how easy it might be to hoodwink the President.

Boy, it is just so easy to play Trump. Put out the red carpet and give him some comps!

— David Corn (@DavidCornDC) November 15, 2017

Despite talking for over 20 minutes, Trump didn’t actually say anything of substance.

Reflecting on @realDonaldTrump speech, surprised at how little mention of trade deals made, business won, jobs created for US companies. Or maybe there weren’t big victories to report

— Jon Sopel (@BBCJonSopel) November 15, 2017

Trump Asia trip wrap up speech on par with trip.

No flubs.
No deliverables.

— ian bremmer (@ianbremmer) November 15, 2017

He once again took credit for stock market gains that are actually attributable primarily to Obama and made various predictions about how great America is going to be without saying how he was going to do it.

SUMMARY: Trump’s Angry Press Conference

“My receptions were SO elegant…”

“Everyone LOVES me…”

“I was the FIRST to visit…”

“Past administrations FAILED…”

*Runs out of room*

— J. Dice (@jdice03) November 15, 2017

So in the absence of any news to report from the big speech, here are some humorous contributions from the Twitterati.

pic.twitter.com/vwP2EYF7T1

— Graeme Demianyk (@GraemeDemianyk) November 15, 2017

Newsflash: Trump drinks Fijian water, not American water.

— Christina Wilkie (@christinawilkie) November 15, 2017

So, to be clear, trump’s word salad right now, which is mixed with constant sniffles, what appears to be obvious cotton mouth and a robust thirst for water, is an entire self praise, self worship, me me me, I’m great speech mixed with a tour of Asia. What the hell is?

— Ricky Davila (@TheRickyDavila) November 15, 2017

      

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